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| Villa Leopolda on the French Riviera. |
1. Arrive on time, to the dot. Don't show up early, and don't show up a day late. Your visit has been orchestrated, planned, vetted and reassembled, any change will throw everything off. Your guest suite has been chosen to accord with your arrival so that the tilt of the sunlight is ever just so when you enter its splendor and refinement. Be on time.
2. Bring no pets unless arranged in advance. And certainly, don't bring a "new" friend unannounced. Any change to the number of guests has ripple effects throughout the whole household, even if it's a pet.
3. Arrive with a knowledge of the area you are visiting and be willing to suggest some activities that you would like to do. Yes, your hosts should have planned some events, dinners, gathering or such, but an informed guest is always welcomed.
4. Sure, bring a gift; a bottle of wine and flowers is nice for an overnight stay; longer than that requires more. If you're there for a week, I suggest a case of wine, luxury monogrammed hand towels, or lavender-filled strawberry sachets. Gifts must be the best quality available within your budget, and push the budget.
5. If there is staff at the home, be kind to them. Don't make lots of special requests of them and don't ask too many questions of them. Yes, it's fine to ask the housekeeper to steam your dress or to press a shirt, and it's fine to ask for additional towels, but be aware that they already have a full day's duties, so be respectful. At the end of your stay, tip the staff $20 to $50 for each night of your stay. If you're staying at Villa Leopolda, tip $100.00 a night. Remember, you're tipping the staff to protect your secrets after you leave. (Everyone talks otherwise.)
6. During your stay, be on time throughout the day--for meals, for outings, for drinks by the pool, for everything. You may come late for breakfast, but not too late, no more than 30 minutes if it's buffet (as is often the case). Your hosts may be late, but you should not be.
7. Although you may be encouraged to ask for "anything you want", keep it within reason--don't ask for three poached eggs at lunch when salmon and a salad is being offered instead. Dietary restrictions and concerns should be announced at the acceptance of the invitation, not after arrival. Specifying "blue agave tequila" or "fleur de sel salt" is unnecessary and redundent as well.
8. Don't come inside from the pool, dripping water, and stand on the Carl Andre metal sculpture. Be mindful of your surroundings. Treat your host's home better than you treat your own.
9. Leave no evidence of any conjugal activity for the housekeeper to find. No prophylactic protection, no undergarments pushed to the bottom of the sheets, no evidence whatsoever--it's already harrowing enough for them. The same goes for medications--put them away.
10. Take your hosts to dinner at a great restaurant in town--it may be the only time you get to leave the compound. I am amazed at how often guests and hosts never leave "Paradise". That is also why I recommend that guests come prepared with knowledge of the area so that they can plan a day away. And take a day away from your hosts. I've even had guests tell me, "We can't get away."
11. Send a Thank You note when you return home, on fine stationery. Write of one or two particular moments your especially enjoyed--it's a sure way to engender a return engagement.
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| French Lavender Strawberry Sachets from Mae Downs & Co., Philadelphia Happy Thanksgiving everyone! |
8 comments:
While our standard of living is far from that of the Villa Leopolda, we did have live-in household help when we were in Asia. Since we also had quite a few visitors, I could relate to most of your suggestions. Point number 5 is very important because I was sometimes surprised at how demanding some of my friends were when there was someone else doing the cooking, laundry, ironing. etc for them. As the people who lived in our house were like a part of our family, it really upset me when someone would take advantage of them.
Fortunately, Itsuko, my Japanese friend who just spent the last 5 1/2 days with me, was THE perfect houseguest. It's as if she read your list. As a result, I'm already looking forward to her next visit.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and safe travels!
Great post.
Here is a question. What do you do when your guest (who is immediate family) turns up with their own supplies? ie. toilet paper and soap, milk and coffee (no, not special diet food, just regular coffee and milk). This has happened to my mother a number of times and she finds it perplexing and a little insulting. This guest has actually switched out Mum's soap in the bathroom and replaced it with her own.
I appreciate that hosting a guest does add to one's budget, however, bringing your own supply of toilet paper is downright insulting.
My sister and I have made numerous suggestions to Mum but I'd be very interested in how you suggest this is tackled!
Mary Kay, it is so true, staff members are often like family and it's difficult to see others take advantage of them. Properly trained staff knows how to manage an overly demanding guest, even if it is just to do as requested. No one likes to see it though.
I'm glad you had a great visit with your visitor friend--yes, she and I were making the list together. (Ha!)
Alice, you give me a conundrum. Of a sorts. It is reasonable to expect guests to bring some favorite toiletries and styling appliances. I've never heard of a guest bring their own toilet paper. Wine to a dinner party, yes; but t.p., that's a first. But what to do? Hospitality, polite hospitality would require that the host accept it but maybe not without an inquiry. I'd approach the topic with a humorous slant so as not to cause too much friction; personal hygiene being one of those areas most likely to cause offense, so go light and easy. But do inquire, there may be a good reason awaiting. Or at least a great, "You're not going to believe this." story to tell your friends when the guest leaves. And if you ever get an answer, I would love to know.
I'm often confronted with guests of ours who ask to stay beyond the agreed upon departure date. I've never said no, but still!! We once had guests who came for Easter. On Easter morning, when all the dinner preparations were in progress they informed me that they weren't having Easter dinner with us. The were invited elsewhere. They were only sleeping in our house!
Absolutely appalling experience of PGdB; completely off any statistical radar. I'd delight in spending the rest of the day in booby-trapping their rooms: short-sheeting, of course, but witty, insider-clever things invoking your expertise, and the frolic of the entire staff, up to and including a gregarious gerbil or two in the closet.
But now you do (I seem to be the only one to think) suggest a tendency, laudable to be sure, go beyond hospitality in protecting your staff from the inherent traces of occupancy to be expected in some aspects of service. I don't argue for the patience of St Theresa but your point 9 is simply fundamentally inhospitable. Who hasn't thoughtfully folded a towel or bed linens, with as much deferral to the agony of noticing human life as a servant might be able to endure, taking care of course to withhold his own jammies from any offering of laundry? I'm pretty serious about this, but I'd like to be pleasant, because this is a very fine set of suggestions and guidances. I simply cannot go so far as your "No Evidence" rule (harrowing as my compromises may be), because I would be utterly wretched if any of my guests held the suspicion that total lack of sophistication were the only welcome I could offer.
And you know I respect your sensibility and standards.
My worst ever house guest was a cousin I had not seen in 20 years, who lives overseas but was visiting to attend a friend's wedding. She called to ask if she could stay at my home the night following the friend's wedding, and I agreed. She called shortly before her arrival to announce she was bringing a man she had met at the wedding, they flooded out the toilet in the night, and refused to stay for coffee or breakfast in the morning. We never got to talk to catch up. However, she did call to tell me she needed a ride to the airport for the return flight. Needless to say, I was unavailable for the gratis cab ride.
Laurent, you make me chuckle. It's not your lack of sophistication in question, but a housekeeper's different level of sophistication is simply a reality. It's challenging enough for private staff to know the intimacies of their employers, having knowledge of guests' predilections is often too much to bear. I've seen it too many times. Frankly, found used condoms the next morning is never acceptable.
Anonymous, I feel your pain.
You may chuckle all you like. I did not argue for exposed condoms, or bargain on a manichaean heresy in reply. You shift the subject contemptuously to predilections, don't you. I believe in hospitality.
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